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May 93 min read

Memoir of a Memoir: Cringe Writing

Writing isn't the hardest part of the memoir. It's getting past the cringe.


Title Card-Hand holding a slipper sock

I originally reserved this space for a treatise on vanity vs. hybrid publishers. However, I decided to change things up. See, I'm pounding out my memoir Faith and Slipper Socks. It's about my late-onset bipolar disorder, treatment, and glacially slow recovery.


How's it going, you ask? Well, I can sum everything up in one word: Oofa!


Constructing the memoir isn't the problem. It's getting through the cringe-worthy moments without having another emotional breakdown. It's a version of This is Your Life hosted by Satan.


No wonder it takes so long for people to write their autobiographies. They fear the return of demons once thought gone.


Bruce Campbell as the Devil

Writing the Cringe

My memoir is mild in comparison to others I've read. I don't know how people like Matthew Perry or Craig Ferguson got past the chapters where they discussed their addictions. How could Carrie Fisher write about her debilitating depression and the electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) that cured it? What did Jenette McCurdy do to get through reliving the horror of her childhood in I'm Glad My Mom Died?


"But, Rich," you say as I lift my fist in frustration for starting a sentence with a conjunction, "I bet many of those people had ghostwriters." I'll give you that, then raise you the fact these folks had to tell the scribes about the cringiest moments in their lives. I don't think there's a difference between telling and showing in memoir writing.


It's tough as hell. In Faith and Slipper Socks, I recall the bad decisions made through the hypomania of bipolar and the over-confident moments when my bowel movements smelled like potpourri, and I believed everyone was beneath me. I didn’t perform these actions in a vacuum. They affected my former spouse, children, bank account, and soul.


I haven't even delved into my childhood, raised by abusive parents with their (alleged) mental health issues. That brings up a new set of factors ready to redirect my energies from memoir completion to binge-watching Frasier.


Here's what I'm trying to get across to those considering a memoir: It’s not easy to compose. Even Sir Patrick Stewart in Making It So: A Memoir had moments that made him cringe. Honestly, emotions you thought were firmly buried quickly emerge with each written page.


Author Koren Zailckas gets it. She said:

For me, it's always felt like playing my own neurosurgeon, sans anesthesia. As a memoirist, you have to crack your head open and examine every uncomfortable thing in there.


Amen, sister!


No Could've, Should've, Would've

Writing a memoir is not like tinkering with a fiction story. If you get stuck on the latter, you can type something unrelated until you find the right track. You can't write "The dragon-cat pawed at the laser-snail with its multi-colored high heels" as you go through your memoir. Well, unless this is what you saw while on shrooms or Jolt Cola with Pop Rocks.


Constructing a memoir is like ripping a giant band-aid off a significant injury covered by thick hair. Be prepared for tears and high-pitched shrieks if done slowly. Don't worry ladies, your men's howls eventually become low-pitched sobs.


You want to get past the harshest parts of your memoir quickly. If the details are too much to bear, focus on the related emotions. You can return to the technical stuff later.

Avoid the could've, should've, would've meanderings about the past. You can't buy a time machine. Trust me, I've checked. Do not start any sentence in your memoir or head with "If I had ..." You didn't, the deed is done, and you have to move forward.


Although I'm sure some memoirs end in sorrow, don't let that be how you end your book. While it may not be comprised of unicorns pooping silver dollars, there should be some hope. For example, I'm not cured of bipolar disorder and probably never will be okay without medication. Still, I've learned enough to live with the chronic disease, and so can you.


What Did We Learn Today, Rich?

Whether you’re the author or ghoster, memoir writing is arduous. Don't let the darkness consume your soul to oblivion. Take the necessary precautions and breaks to get it done. Someone who lived a similar life wants to know how you overcame the difficulties.


All the best.

Rich Scott Keller

 

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