Restarting this whole blogging thing again.
My life has been like Groundhog Day.
Not the one in February where a furry, reluctant rodent is raised from their slumber to predict the weather. Rather, it's like the 1993 comedy with Bill Murray. Like his character, I repeatedly go through the same scenario. Unlike him, I couldn't seem to get to the point where I woke up with Andie MacDowell.
Instead, I continually repeated the same theme. I made emotional and financial progress, saw some light at the end of the tunnel, and then stumbled. It happened during my my divorce, my time being homeless, and my bipolar diagnosis. Each event meant I woke up to start over one more time.
Yet, with the right medication and a stable place to live, I thought I turned the corner without smacking into it. Then, last June, I had an emotional meltdown as I started a week with my kids. Not as bad as my 2020 nervous breakdown but powerful enough to scare the kids ... and me.
One More Time at the Starting Line
After their mother picked them up, I engaged in a extended period of disgusted sulking. Eventually, I realized that changes were needed. Not empty ones made when weeks were filled with impulsive thoughts followed by severe depression. I needed serious, measurable revisions to shift perspectives and, in turn, my life's path.
To start, I rededicated myself to a strong faith and belief system. Then, I connected with a therapist who listened and provided useful feedback. Together, we created several coping tools I dutifully added to a mental toolbox notebook.
Another decision was to leave social media. Not only did it trigger my anxiety. It also became my only form of acceptance. I was the person who would post something "brilliant." When nobody responded with comments or likes I would go into a tailspin.
In the end, I had to rework my social media philosophies. Yes, it's a great avenue to connect with past and present friends. Yet, I also need it now as an outlet to promote creative endeavors. If I remain persistent and produce quality material, then I'll see progress.
Waking up to a New Day
I honestly believe my mindset has shifted during the last eight months. This time, it's not empty words. I feel the changes daily.
For instance, I'm not as prone to panic, regardless the economic or social situation. I listen far more than talk. Further, I have a closer connection with my kids than at any other time before or after the divorce.
I'm also ready to create again, which is a big achievement after my nervous breakdown destroyed my psyche. I lost faith in my abilities as Impostor Syndrome kicked in.
I know there's an audience for my writing and other creative endeavors. It simply takes persistence, overcoming distractions, and quelling the urge to quit when things get tough.
What Did We Learn Today, Rich?
I'm still a work in progress, still building strong neural paths for success, and still using the gifts I was granted to achieve my dreams. While there's always the potential to slip, I have faith there are more moving-forward days than infinite sameness.
Yours always,
Rich Scott Keller
Email: wpantscreations@gmail.com
ClearVoice Portfolio: https://clearvoice.com/cv/RichardKeller
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rskellerwpp/
Commenti